Per aspera sic itur ad astra

Empathy is a key component of emotional intelligence. It’s a major factor in the quality of your friendships, your work success and your marriage. Most people think empathy is a gut instinct, and you either have it or you don’t.
Ma-Kellams & Lerner, 2016 found that actually, the opposite seems to be true. In a series of studies, they found that systematic thinkers are more accurate at reading other people than intuitive types. In another study they instructed participants to think either intuitively or analytically and compared the results. Once again, analytical, systematic thinking worked best.
The Takeaway: Empathy is an important skill, not a gut instinct. You can build this skill by purposely thinking about how you would feel if you were in another person’s shoes, and analyzing his or her situation.

The ability to empathize with people who disagree with you is one of the most underrated skills. Rather than asking, “Why would someone think that?” you’ll get farther asking, “What have they experienced in life that I haven’t that would cause them to think that?...”

***Overlooked Truths

Character reflects who we are as people: our deepest values, priorities, and strengths. Talent and skill leads people to do things right. Character is about standing up for and doing the right things.    

Brett Steenbarger, Ph.D. è un grande maestro di vita, che va  ben oltre il mondo del trading. Brett propone la ricerca dell'eccellenza in ogni suo articolo! 

"...The flow state is one in which we become highly absorbed in our activities, losing a sense of time and experiencing deep pleasure..."

Goals and habits are strongly correlated. Everyone has goals that they would like to achieve, but most people put it off for ‘some day’ rather than putting a plan in place. This article will help you to break down your goals so that they are much less overwhelming and more attainable.
What Is a Habit?
Habit Definition: A settled or regular tendency or practice, especially one that is hard to give up.
Habits are something that we do without consciously realizing it. For example, biting our nails, drinking coffee while watching the news, or scratching the same spot even when it doesn’t itch. Habits are something that we once started, and now habitually do on a regular basis.

Breaking the Goal Down
To reach a goal, we must comprise our day of many little habits that lead us to our goal. We need this goal to be
◾Specific
◾Measurable
◾Actionable
◾Realistic
◾Time-based
Otherwise known as a SMART goal. This plan holds us accountable and ensures that it will be harder to give up.

Tell your friends and family when you come up with your goal so you feel more accountable. This will help you to commit to your goal and stay true to it when you are talking to them. Also, do not think about your goal as a fantasy. Think of it as something that is definitely going to happen.
Everyone has goals that they have set for themselves. Whether it is to get better at baseball, lose weight, wake up earlier, or something else, it is accomplishable. The key is to make habits out of tasks that lead to that certain goal.
For instance, let’s say your goal is to be in better shape. To start, you need to make this goal more specific (the first rule of a SMART goal). Is it that you want to lose weight, gain muscle, or stay toned? Let’s say you want to lose weight.

Making a Goal into Habits
To form habits that lead to weight loss, you need to think of small things that would lead to you lose weight. Eating healthier, exercising, and drinking water are all things that lead to success when losing weight. So let’s break those into actionable and measurable steps that can become habits.
For instance, drinking water. You could buy a water bottle that holds 8-ounces and keep a sheet that you check off every time you finish a water bottle. If you are not at 8 before you go to bed, then you have to drink the ones that you did not throughout the day. To make it easier, turn it into a habit by drinking these water bottles after something you do every day. So when you wake up, drink a water bottle. When you’re driving to work, drink a water bottle. One with lunch, dinner, before bed, etc. Make 8 things you do every day become the habitual time to drink a water bottle and before you know it, drinking water will not be a problem for you.
Do the same thing for eating and exercising. Set a time of day that is convenient for you and commit to doing it every day. Exercise every morning right when you wake up or every day right after work. Don’t wait until that day to decide what time is convenient. We all know that it never will be convenient. So decide on a time beforehand and commit to it. Plan your meals out in advance and pre-make them. Don’t let yourself think about what you are craving when you get hungry. Just know that you will be eating the meal in the fridge. Eliminating options reduces the amount of work you have to put into achieving your goals.
Don’t plan a time for your goal to end, but rather plan a time that you will reach each milestone. Say that by Friday you want to have lost a pound instead of saying, “I’ll be done when I lose 20 pounds.” The smaller goals that lead to your big goal will seem more achievable.

The Breaking Point
When you feel like giving up, notice what is making you feel that way. If it is that you are tired, plan a 20-minute nap and then turn on some music for five minutes when you wake up to get motivated. If it is that you don’t want to drive to the gym, play your favorite songs in the car and have some pre-workout. Whatever it is that makes the situation seem less dreadful, do it! But stick to your plan.
When you start to notice that your tasks are becoming habits, add another task into the mix. You will slowly notice that your life is getting better right before your eyes. Unfortunately, habits take a while to form, but they are worth the work in the long run. By forcing one small change in your day, it could change the rest of your life.

Breaking Old Habits
Now that you know how to form habits, you can use the same philosophy to change your bad habits. If you tend to eat a container of ice cream every time you have a bad day, change it to talking a walk instead. This will eventually give you the same rewarding feeling that the ice cream did, but it will have a positive effect on your day. -Madison Ferry

Does Your Trading Psychology Have A Dark Side?

     Brett S.: the best antidote to fear is realism.

My favourite fruit***Passion fruit nutrition facts

•Is there such a thing as bad mood foods? Yes, the foods you eat affect the chemicals in your brain and your blood sugar, which all affect your mood.
•Mood swings, headaches and sugar lows can all be side effects from the foods we eat.
•Avoiding alcohol, foods with added sugars or other ingredients and sticking to whole foods as much as possible helps balance your mood and keep you stable.
•There’s always a delicious alternative!

More here

We have all bottled up many small problems and caused one explosive argument some time in our lives. What we don’t realize is that the person on the other side of that explosion might not even have a chance to understand the real reason we are mad.
Arguments are a completely normal and necessary activity. For them to be effective we need to understand some key components. To help you improve on expressing your problems, here are some tips.

What You’re Doing Wrong in Arguments
Placing blame
People do not like to be attacked. So rather than saying, “You were late and you made me wait”. Say, “I was hoping you were ok. I got worried when you didn’t show up at the specified time”. This feels less like an attack and you still got the chance to bring up what bothered you.

Interrupting
Let the other person finish their point before replying. If you are constantly listening just to respond, the argument will go around in circles. But if you are truly listening to what they have to say, you may gain insight on why it happened. Plus, you will want them to listen when it is your turn.

Picking out small issues
If there is a problem that is affecting your daily life and you want to talk about it, bring it up. The saying, “pick your battles” is not far off. Not everything can be the way you would like it to be. So if it is a small issue that doesn’t happen often or you can live with, let it go. This will make your big issues seem more reasonable.

Bringing up the past
Don’t work through something and then bring it up again every time you have an argument. It will make the other person feel like their changes do not make a difference. Make sure each problem is resolved before you leave an argument. Then you won’t be inclined to bring it up again later.

Yelling
Raising your voice may make you feel better, but it does not reinforce the point you are trying to make. If anything, it makes the other person shut down and they may not hear your point at all. Use a normal talking voice and avoid name calling. This is the most respectful and effective way to explain your thoughts.

Assuming or evaluating
If someone acts a certain way and you assume the meaning, you may guess wrong. Ask them what they meant by their statement before you react. When they do tell you, think of it from their point of view before taking it personally. Then address the issue after you have taken a minute to think it through.

What Can You Do to Be Better at Arguing

Take your time
There is no reason to just blurt out thoughts. Take a few breaths and think before you say your next statement in an argument.

Only use facts
Only use the exact facts to prove your point and then let them come to the conclusion. You will water down your statement adding in your feelings or your perception of the situation.

Don’t generalize
Saying “you always” or “you never” can be really frustrating to somebody that is being accused. Maybe they have done it once or twice but chances are it is not every single time.

No name calling
There is nothing worse then being compared to someone that is despised by others. Most likely you will regret saying this and the other person will be hurt badly.

Treat others how you want to be treated
This was a lesson from kindergarten and it is still important. Don’t raise your voice at someone and then expect them not to reciprocate.
The key to a good argument is to respect all individuals involved. Practice keeping yourself calm and explaining your thoughts rather than blurting.

-Madison Ferry

1) Zest - approaching life with a high degree of energy and enthusiasm;
2) Grit - persistence in the face of challenge
3) Self Control - displaying unusual discipline and self mastery
4) Social Intelligence - displaying particular sensitivity to the needs and feelings of self and others
5) Gratitude - being thankful for what you have
6) Love - being close to others
7) Hope - having optimism about the future and working toward it
8) Humor - being able to laugh and enjoy oneself
9) Creativity - generating new and valuable ways to think about and do things
10) Curiosity - being interested in something for its own sake and delving into it
11) Open Mindedness - approaching experience in an accepting way, viewing it from all sides
12) Love of Learning - mastering a new area of knowledge or skill
13) Wisdom - providing deep and valuable perspective to others
14) Bravery - standing up for what is right, willingness to face threats
15) Integrity - speaking up for and acting upon your values
16) Kindness - doing good things for others and caring for them
17) Citizenship - working effectively as part of a team or community
18) Fairness - treating others equally
19) Leadership - providing direction and support for a group to which you belong
20) Forgiveness - accepting the shortcomings of others and forgiving their wrongdoings
21) Modesty - allowing one's actions to speak for themselves without self-aggrandizement
22) Prudence - exercising restraint and discretion about one's choices without taking undue risks
23) Appreciation of Beauty - noticing and valuing beauty and excellence
24) Spirituality - holding and acting upon beliefs about higher purpose and meaning in life

***How to Identify Your Greatest Strengths and Virtues

Again on the sheeple attitude

"A good example of how the technosphere controls our tastes is the personal automobile. Many people regard it as a symbol of freedom and see their car as an extension of their personalities. The freedom to be car-free is not generally regarded as important, while the freedoms bestowed by car ownership are rather questionable. It is the freedom to make car payments, pay for repairs, insurance, parking, towing and gasoline. It is the freedom to pay tolls, traffic tickets, title fees and excise taxes. It is the freedom to spend countless hours stuck in traffic jams and to suffer injuries in car accidents. It is the freedom to bring up neurologically damaged children by subjecting them to unsafe carbon monoxide levels (you are encouraged to have a CO detector in your house, but not in your car—because it would be going off all the time). It is the freedom to suffer indignities when pulled over by police, especially if you’ve been drinking. In terms of a harm/benefit analysis, private car ownership makes no sense at all.
It is often argued that a car is a necessity, although the facts tell a different story. Worldwide, there are 1.2 billion vehicles on the road. The population of the planet is over 7 billion. Therefore, there are at least 5.8 billion people alive in the world who don’t own a car. How can something be considered a necessity if 82% of us don’t seem to need it?.." ***You are not in control

E, on twitter                     

***Are you an active listener ….or do you just hear?

***Erich Fromm’s Six Rules of Listening

***The simple truth about how to be likeable… is listening

***The best communicators always have a good exit strategy

***Introverts, deflection is the skill that will save you

"...1) Intermittent reinforcement

2) False Flattery

3) Strings attached

4) Faint praise

5) Lowered expectations

6) Promised protection

7) Faux vulnerability

8) Selective truth

Knowing these cons can help you avoid falling for them. Narcissists are unlikely to change. You don’t have to play their game..."

***8 Ways Narcissists Con You

Haters are People Who Hate Themselves

***Managing the Haters***

Resilience is the ability to encounter a setback and quickly resume forward movement.

You might take the test***Personal Strengths Inventory***

The qualities of the will are:
1. Energy—Dynamic Power—Intensity
2. Mastery—Control—Discipline
3. Concentration—One-Pointedness—Attention— Focus
4. Determination—Decisiveness—Resoluteness— Promptness
5. Persistence—Endurance—Patience
6. Initiative—Courage—Daring
7. Organization—Integration—Synthesis
***The Act of Will here & here

***10 Times You Need to Be Quiet In Life

***Can A Broken Heart Cause Heart Attack?

“Every narcissist needs a reflecting pool. Just as Narcissus gazed into the pool to admire his beauty, social networking sites, like Facebook, have become our modern-day pool,” (Alloway,2014).
The problem is that this reflecting pool is now getting much larger – and much more accessible. Facebook itself says the average American now spends 40 minutes a day checking a Facebook feed – which is more time than most people spend with their pets (39 minutes on average). While we used to seek companionship in the form of a furry friend, we are now seeking admiration in the form of Facebook friends. And unlike the good feelings that can come from the company of a furry companion, an abundance of likes on Facebook isn’t likely to make us feel much better.
Focusing on ourselves, after all, is a zero sum game. When the idea is to gain admiration, there is not a lot of interaction going on. Instead of focusing on others’ interests, we are updating our profiles, and wondering why they don’t measure up...***Becoming More Narcissistic

***7 Positive Ways to Respond When Someone Steals Credit for Your Work

***How to Tap into Your Capabilities

***5 Ways You Can Use Mindfulness To Fix Your Brain, Reduce Stress and Boost Performance

***Why We Avoid Tough Conversations and What We Risk in the Process***

***Here is Why You Should Spend Your Money On Experiences, Not Things

"A reader recently asked the question of how to overcome perfectionism in trading. Like many traders, the reader recognized that the quest for perfection was actually demoralizing him and leading him to trade worse and worse. Trying to buy the bottom tick and sell the top, he was missing trades. Losing money, he became his own worse critic. Even when he made money, he found himself focusing on how he could have made even more by holding a little longer, sizing a little larger, etc. Slowly, perfectionism was stressing him out and interfering with his trading.

Sound familiar? It's a fine line between being success-driven and achievement oriented and being perfectionistic. We want to keep pushing forward, but at some point the push becomes part of a problem, not a solution.

There are two keys to understanding perfectionism:
1) It is a way of talking to ourselves;
2) It is a way of channeling anger and frustration.

The perfectionist is channeling anger inwardly, looking at the gap between the real (actual performance) and ideal (possible performance) and becoming frustrated at that gap. That is why so much perfectionistic thinking is of the "should" variety: you *should* have held the trade longer; you *should* have been sized larger; you *should have taken the trade; you *shouldn't* have taken the trade. It's all frustrated self-talk.
As I discuss in my books, we generally possess enough social sensitivity that we would *never* consider talking to a friend or colleague in the tone we use with perfectionistic self-talk. We would never get in some one else's face and tell them all the things they *should* and *could* have done better. We would recognize right away that there is no constructive value in such talk. It doesn't help anyone move forward.
That is the key point to recognize: there is nothing constructive about perfectionism. It's self-abusive; it doesn't move us forward. It's a dumping of anger, not an effort to learn from mistakes.
Once the trader recognizes that the problem is not their trading, but their way of thinking about their trading, then they can begin the work of recognizing the frustration in real time, interrupting the perfectionistic thoughts, and introduce self-talk that is more similar to talk one would do with valued friends and colleagues. 
In practice, the sequence looks like: "OK, I just lost money and I'm feeling frustrated. I can feel myself getting caught up in *should* thinking. That is the same perfectionism that has stressed me out and hurt my decisions. I might have made a mistake, but I don't deserve having anger dumped on me. Before I take my next trade, I'm going to review what might have gone wrong with the last trade and see if I can learn anything from it that will help the next trade. I refuse to keep talking to myself in a harmful way!"
Many times, keeping a cognitive journal is a great way of structuring this process and developing new, constructive habit patterns. The Daily Trading Coach book describes this journaling in detail; see also the reading below. Once we become aware of the *consequences* of negative thought patterns, we can truly *regret* them, and build a determination to not repeat them. It is very healthy to focus on self-improvement: we move ourselves forward when we try to become better. We shut ourselves down when we demand more." -Brett Steenbarger, Ph.D.

***Coping With Grief: How to Handle Your Emotions